In a city of 7 million, it's easy to blend in. But today I felt overwhelmingly at home in the crowd. At a time when my mind is running circles around me, leering at me and generally being a bit of a bitch - being able to slip into a suit of anonymity is a welcome relief. I love walking down the street, being able to hold my head high and know that no one is going to judge me because no one even sees me. People look and instantly forget.

Most of the time we have a desire to be needed; to be wanted; to know that we are cared for by those we care about. But what happens when you just want to crawl into a little dark hole and stay there? Part of the great desire I have to be alone at the moment stems from relationship problems (indeed), an overwhelming thirst for understanding and knowledge. Of course, being the codependent person that I am I rarely arrive at any (useful!!) knowledge without the help of a friend...or 5. So why do I think this time I need isolation? Because it has struck me that my actions are speaking louder than my words. And the only person who can change how I act - me of course.

(Bhavna has offered to ruff me up a bit at the pain of being indecisive - I think I'll say no).

And so I await answers in my cave (read: pit of a room) whilst pondering the deeper mysteries of of life, love an the universe. It's a tough job, and I wish I didn't have to do it.