Yesterday was technically our 3 months which is of course the optimal time to break off a relationship if you want to maximise pain, humiliation and repetitive cries of, "WHAT A FUCKING BASTARD!". And technically, it was over before then as he texted me and said that I could keep his hoodie, he hopes I don't hate him and he's sorry that it didn't work it. It didn't work out? Slow down, SpaceMan - why the past tense? And then it hit me...I was dumped, gone with the wind and snipped from his life long before this text.

Technically I have been single for almost a week without knowing as apparently 'I need space' is the cowardly term for 'You're dumped, but I'm not going to tell you until you say that you want to meet up and talk...and then I freak out and have to tell you'. Of course! The old dumping by text/I need space...which I stopped using when I was 14.

My friends came out with the usual, post-relationship-mortem crap - 'He always looked untrustworthy'/'He never did book those tickets to Hong Kong did he? That's when I knew he was a bit dishonest and was getting cold feet'/'He always reminded me of a doormouse'. Thanks, guys! Don't think to tell me this stuff before I actually get royally fucked over! I call this D.I.C.K or Delayed Insight into CocK (faced men) and it's the relationship equivalent to saying 'I Told You So, in your face bitch!'.

Since when has breaking up become so cruel? Share your break up stories with the world (or at least me) and enlighten me on the do's and do-not's of relationships in the 21st century. I feel like I am of a different time, possibly the 19th century:
Relationship Rule 1) It's polite to break up face to face and provide an ego-comforting reason for said break up.
Special note to SpaceMan: Always break up. Full stop.