There are some people in the world, and I'm sure you can think of some too, who walk around with a perpetual, genuine smile on their face. The kind of smile that says, in no uncertain terms - I am in a very good mood and there's nothing that can happen that will take me out of this mood. It's the kind of smile that will make you think one of two things: 1. That you really want to be that happy; or 2. That you want to wipe that grin off that person's face, possibly using your foot and their groin. These people are happy.

There are other people in the world (for example, me) who walk around with a perpetual, genuine scowl on their face. The kind of scowl that makes little children run away very fast and people on a MTR give you a wide berth. These people are miserable.

The major difference between these happy and miserable people is not so much in their attitudes to life, which are actually remarkably similar, but in how they deal with situations. Life has a habit of throwing things at us. Sometimes it's a nice gentle underarm swoosh and at other times it's a damned fast bowl normally into the face or groin. When these fastballs hit the happy people, they don't know how to react - after all, something's gone wrong, and that's not something they're used to. So often, they take it really badly. I've known people (me cough me) get thoroughly depressed about 'failing' a couple of exams - and when they hadn't even failed. But what about us miserable bastards? Well, we take it in our stride - another disappointment, but perhaps not unexpected, either. When that fastball hits, we're the ones wearing the boxes/padded bras (for women).

Another thing to consider is the amount of genius that comes out of being on top of everything. I'll be damned if I can think of any excellent discoveres made from being in a good mood. But misery? Well, misery = genius. Think of the composers - Beethoven, Tchaikovsky. Musicians - Bob Dylan, Radiohead. If you're in a good mood you don't want to do anything - you can kick back and bask in your warm, happy glow (god how I wish I could suck their happiness away). If you're depressed, you don't want to dwell on it, you go and mope and make wonderful discoveries/inventions.

BUT, I'm not saying that being miserable all the time is a good thing. What's the point of digging yourself a nice deep pit just so that you can climb into it and then complain it's rather dark? There isn't any. Too much bright sunshine might ruin your night vision, but too many dark rooms, and you're not going to be able to go outside.

So I guess I'm saying I should be experiencing the whole thing. Be happy, be sad, laugh, cry, cry laughing, think, do, love, hate. I can definitely be a miserable cow, but even I have good days once in a while (last one, December 2000).

But sometimes, ie today I just want to grab those little bastards who make my days hell (the two faggots on the bus plus the other one) who completely fuck me around and make me feel like shit, and embarass me and just generally screw me over. How I would love to throw a fastball at them and whack them in the nuts, oh how I can't wait til I leave and can whack them good and proper. I am sick of being in a good mood and being called weird and strange for who I am, we'll just see how everyone likes depressed Laura eh?

It's strange, that being in a good mood I can be talkative and chipry and maybe a little strange. The problem with talking to certain people when one is in a happy state is it is like talking to a BRICK WALL so they think you're strange for making the effort. God forbid they try and socialize! We'll see how everyone likes this.

I hate the patronising sympathetic stares that come when I'm having a quiet day it absolutely fucks me off, those same people who can't be bothered to talk to me when I'm in a decent mood suddenly become all cloying and clingy trying to make me feel better or just generally find out what's wrong (is it a juciy bit of gossip? can they spread it?). Well fuck off, I can do fine by myself.