Feel much better after talk with Will last night, actually I felt pretty crap but I felt much better after sending him that em@il and getting a good reply. Boy, this long distance relationship malarkey is hard.

On the other hand, nothing worth having is free (except free sweets from eye doctor, stickers from the dentist etc). Rather, nothing proper worth having is free.

The thing I miss the most, and I've realized pisses me off when we talk, is that we're working on a purely friendship level. There's no near promise of a romp in the bed tomorrow, or even next week which is a bit depressing. Pah ha I know we have to and I SHOULD and HAVE to bear it but saying that never makes it any easier. I think I'm doing Ok though, and hopefully it'll get easier.

Otherwise a bit worried that Mitch may have taken the Bangkok thing wrongly, that's the problem with HIDING THINGS FORM YOUR FRIENDS (goddamit) they always find out. Especially as she didn't say one thing, and my parents so nicely blurted it out at lunchtime, I'm thinking she hasn't taken it tres bien. I don't know though, that's part of the reason I want to oh-so-gently HARDEN HER UP because things like this don't matter but she still seems upset. Maybe it was the hiding it thing, but it's a vicious circle really. She gets upset because I don't tell her, I don't tell her because she gets upset.

Anyway, this really is a waste of space, small problems eh?

I really can blow them up though. That's what I'm worried about.

NEXT YEAR I REFUSE TO BE MISERABLE. I already tried unsucessfully to do this, rather poorly, when we came back from exams and the Common Room was in a virtual state of paralysis, I thought I'd inject my own bit of Lauraness but everyone just thought I was weird. BUT NO MORE! This is our last godman year, I refuse to let self centered and miserable people ruin it!

Hurrah! The wilderness years are over! (Just to steal a quote from Bridget).