On a good note, since I have been sitting on my fatass for a lifetime I can't wait to sign up for gym with E tomorrow - if price permits. This is a real incentive for me so I can turn that flab into toned, sleek muscle goddess a la Angelina Jolie. Was reading something scary in the paper - 1.7m tall model weighing in a 45 kgs. At 1.63 (barely) I almost weight a whole torso more than her - this will not do! Of course do not want to be scary anorexic type, but will be happy if I drop weight to 50kgs. Of which 18% is body fat instead of 100%. Ahem.

Can't wait until I can then fit into my dinner dance dress without the use of stomach-holding-in granny pants and I can wear a bikini on Koh Samui, without repelling people with my lardy body. Of course, that's if this goes to plan. If it doesn't then I will probably balloon in size, people crying out "Who ate Laura?", "So that's where the food surplus of the US goes" etc etc. Those taunts still ring in my ears...man!

On a bum note, find Kirsten's attitude to Dean increasingly frustrating - in terms of what she believes love, sex and all those things are compared to the reality. Most of all I dislike the way she pretends to be one thing (holier than thou virgin mother) but acts in a different way e.g slutty, a bit whorish and definitely moving tres fast with The Bastard. At least I make no false promises, I show I am easy, I am easy when I talk to men, I am willing to act on it. I don't pretend, I'm not a cocktease (when I've had 10000 drinks, anyway). But she doesn't do that, she makes out like she will wait until marriage before having sex (fine, I respect that)....but I don't respect her admitting - in less than a month - that she is sex ready. But at the same time saying to some people she isn't. See? It's too annoying. Blaah.

I hope she doesn't get too hurt. But either way, she needs it - to a certain extent. Maybe we all believe sex, and love are these wonderful transcendetal things before we've been buggered over. I know E that you've found that love (or the act of loving, or human weakness) can be a bitch. And the sooner she learns it isn't peaches and cherries, the better it will be for her, for growing up. No one wants her to be hurt....but it's going to happen. Bastard or not. And she's going to realise it's not movie love, that it's something else - and that the pain caused by love is like no other pain you can ever experience.