When it comes down to it, I try and reason with them (like the adult I am) but Mutti gets so aggressive (WHEN is he coming?!?! WELL THAT'S BLOODY INCONVENIENT ISN'T IT! RIGHT DURING YOUR EXAMS?!!? WHY, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!!) and how is one supposed to answer to this tidal wave of aggression?

I go for the defence is the best form of defence and they invariably think I am hiding something. It goes:

Mutti: YOU'LL WANT TO SEE HIM YOU KNOW YOU WILL, I CAN READ YOU LIKE AN OPEN BOOK, DON'T TRY AND LIE, YOU WERE GOING TO LIE WEREN'T YOU!?!?
L: No, no Mum. I'll perhaps see him a few times - we haven't really been talking and all - but I know everything has to go on the backburner the next few months because of my exams....
Mutti: THAT'S RIGHT YOUNG LADY DON'T FORGET YOUR EXAMS, WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!?! WHY?!
Sidenote: see the unrelenting questions?
L: I DON'T KNOW DO I?!?! MAYBE HE WANTS TO INTERN OR SOMETHING!??!!? I'M NOT HIS FRICKING PERSONAL ASSISTANT!
M: Don't you dare talk to me like that, you disgusting piece of bum fluff.

OK, got a bit carried away. But that's the gist of her interrogation - in a previous life I'm sure she worked for the Kremlin - and so I wait with baited breath to tell them when he's really coming back. I said: he'll be here in 2 months. Real answer: 2 weeks. I said: he's staying for a month or so. Real answer: 3 months. Maybe I dig my own grave. But in the face of Hitler mark II, it's hard not to lie.