But I'll settle for a look-ee-likey of one. Let me introduce Marine Engineering student Mr. I-Look-A-Bit-Like-Ashton-Kutcher. Perhaps I'm blind sighted by the shaggy, uncut hair and stubbly beard...but trust me, it's enough to make a girl swoon (or at least her loins burn and her heart race � la Jackie Collins).

The beginning of a relationship always marks a journey of discovery. Normally for men it's "just how far can I go before she slaps my hand away?" and for women it tends to be "how many days can I go looking gorgeous before I crack and the real me shows and will he like me for me anyway?". It's an Olympic sized challenge that only the strongest can handle but I've always been up for it.

That's how I ended up in bed with AK on a nothing Friday evening romping around until the small hours of the morning. Don't get me wrong � I like romping with the best of them and I'd like to say if there was a 'romping for Britain' medal you'd indeed be looking at a Gold medal holder. But there's something about AK that freaks me out. It could be the fact that he�s 21 and thus virtually a geriatric, wheelchair bound oldie compared to my virgin 18 years. (And when I say virgin I mean very non virgin). It could be that he knows what he wants, he thinks he knows what I want and he's confident enough to take and give it. It could even be that he has just too much facial hair. But I don't think it's any of these things. I think it's a guilt complex because, actually, I'm seeing someone else.

The other guy's beyond cool. He's my LB (LoverBoy) Numero Uno and he's a great guy. Completely and utterly off the wall but hey! who ever discriminated against a little schizophrenia? (Actually he's dyspraxic but since I'm not sure what that means I won't dwell suffice to say he finds that 'lying down makes it easier to concentrate on things'. Possibly the best ever excuse to get into bed, so he's ahead with 10 points for creativity). Anyway, LB1 and I are, in his words, 'seeing each other' but are not yet � brace yourself for it � 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' which leads me to believe he may have the attitude to relationships of a 14 year old who is afraid his friends will tease him and pound him in the playground. Not a good sign.

What happens next? Does Ashton meet his Demi and run off to Manchester to marry? Will LB1 put up with Laura's philandering behaviour? Stay tuned for more exciting adventures of "Laura And Her LB's!". And now, for a commercial break...