I lay awake last night. It was 3 in the morning and people had gone to bed so it was quiet, silent. The wind was outside and I was in bed. I lay there and the word IDIOT just kept running through my head.

I want to go home. I want to be with people who know who I really am. I want my old friends. I thought I didn't have morals; I lied. My conscience has caught up with me in a grand way and I want to sort everything out that I've done wrong.

I want to apologise to Gwil and I want to sort things out with Jamie (I want to say thank you for being there, I'm sorry I messed things up between us all). I want to tell Liam to grow up and get over it. I want to tell Chris he's a solid guy. I want to tell Hannah she's genuine and lovely, Lindsey that I'm lucky to know her. I want to tell Kate that I don't really dislike her. I want to tell Phil that he's a psychopath and he should get away from Kate (I'm scared for her). I want to tell Sarah and Fi they're great people and the closest thing I have to best friends - I appreciate them and their friendship. I want to tell Paul and Adam and Alex and Alex II and Danny and Glen that I'm not the person they thought I was and I want them to go away. I want to start again.

Already?

Fuck, I'm an idiot.

I want to go home.