After big argument with drunken Mutti over bloody shoes of all things and being called, basically, a lout and leech I wonder: is it ever possible to be friends with your parents?

Sometimes it seems so viable. Since holi-days have begun, have been talking more with TB (thebitch) and it's been OK, we have had friendly discussions about stuff friends talk about i.e clothes, family stuff and general girlytalk. But sometimes she can really be a vicious cow (I see where I get my streak form) and it ruins the whole 'trust as a friend' thing we built up.

Same with my Vati. Often he is a nice, easygoing guy. But come August, "financial results time" or some crap like that (incidentally HIS DAUGHTERS' BIRTHDAY) he turns into a stressed out monster. I actually do not talk to him for a whole month. He looks as if he will beat you and roast you if you anger him. Again, I see where I get that side from.

And do you really have to love family because they're your family? Shouldn't you love them because of their redeeming features i.e grace, kindness, endless love, generosity? I mean, OK they've looked after you for billy-o years and there is love. Actually maybe it's hard seeing them as people instead of Mutti and Vati, if you know what I mean.

Yes! It makes sense. You get used to seeing them a certain way - responsible, mature etc. But when you start growing up they reveal more of themselves to you. And to be frank, it's a bit of a shock. Debauched Mutti gallavanting around the room doing kareoke was not something I needed to see.

So'they' - Old Man River and The Bitch - become people. It's just weird seeing them like this, with their own weaknesses. It's unsettling. I can feel this is the year for change. I hope I am ready.

I love the quote. It sums it all up doesn't it? When people say 'Let's be friends' what they really mean is I'll have to make do with being your friend. But friendship is such a big part of love anyway, mmm. Pondering I am.