Example: cubbyhole bombs are a fatal fusion of a) Lynx Deo b) a Zippo lighter and c) the bunk bed cubbyhole. Let's just say it involves some brave soul gassing the cubbyhole and then throwing a lit Zippo lighter into it - this apparently creates a magnificent "backdraft effect" whereby the sod making the bomb has to run away or get his eyebrows and hair singed (it actually happened). Only at boarding school, I should think, can one can get away with CubbyHole Bombs and setting fire to banisters with, again, Lynx Deo. In the course of one half term - that is 6 weeks - items that have been confiscated are:

- 3 hockey sticks
-1 hockey ball
- 1 tennis ball
-6 lighters
- 2 Zippo lighters
-1 golf club
-2 steel ladders (which they used to make the goals for their hockey game)
-3 penknives
-various 'naughty' posters of naked women
-one naked poster where they tried to cover said private parts with A4 paper swimming costume.

The resourcefulness of these young lads is amazing. Not got a hockey ball? Then use a tennis ball. Not got a hockey stick? Then a golf club. No naked posters? Then 'cover' them with paper bikinis. No laptop because you've been looking at porn? Get one of the YR 13's to buy you it instead. Lovely.

It's quite nice having him back. But being Valentine's day, I'd much prefer a) Colin Farrel b) Ashton Kutcher c) Skunk/Scunk Boy d) Brad Pitt. But in true boarding school style, I will make do with e) the wonderful family. Hmph. Wonder why I feel a bit cheated?