i believe in a thing called love - just listen to the rhythm of my heart. there's a chance we could make it now, we'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down! i believe in a thing called love....Ooh! - The Darkness "I Believe In A Thing Called Love"

Oof. First proper workout session today - actually managed to walk/run for 30 minutes so am v. proud of self (will the flab start falling off soon, like autumnal leaves off trees?). Hope so. Otherwise, trying to come to terms with Kirsten's actions in terms of what I think, whether I should think it and how I feel.

As a gut feeling I don't think having sex with someone after one month is necessarily something I'd do in her position - considering a) his past and b) HER BELIEFS. Little Kirsten Holier Than Thou has always made out she was waiting for a husband until she did pretty much anything, really. I want to ask her if she feels she's let herself down (you hear - "I'm waiting until I'm married/25" over a period of 4 years and you wonder where this goes when a guy comes in). Of course, everyone's allowed to change. But it seems so very fast (and we highly disapprove of changing for a guy instead of with one), and is this what she's doing?

Apparently, I'm supposed to say - as long as she's happy, knows what she's doing etc - I am happy for her. But really, how can people like Bhavna claim not to judge the actions of others? I try to but honestly, when you hear something like that you can't help but pass some kind of judgement on the person - whether it be reasoned or not. When you've held those beliefs for your whole life, and you've led other people to believe that you believe them too - and you renege on everything you said you believed in where are your friends but a bit confused and judemental? (Or at least, that's where I am anyway).

I try not to use my own benchmark for things like this, individual differences and all. But the contrast is striking - Laura's wait time 6 months. Kirsten's wait time - 1 month. With a guy who is much more slutty, and who we know has broken more than his share of hearts. And of course she says she's falling (in love) with him, because we all fall in love with our first anything. Since he's her first everything the bond, by default, is about 50000x stronger than say, the bond you feel with your first kiss, first snog, first feel up, first blowjob etc. But when all of those come together it's a huge whammy of emotion. How can anyone cope with that?

I hope she can. But at the same time, I gree with E when I say if you give in that quickly to a guy who's been such a player he makes Casanova look like a Virgin, you're crusin' for a bruisin'. It's different if you set out lookingfor a one night stand and you know the consequences of your actions and that there is a certain code that follows e.g you don't expect emotional attachement or commitment etc. But she has been kidding herself she has been able to control how she feels about him - even, that she has been able to control him - by playing hard to get and all that crap which doesn't work....but now it's patently obvious it's rather been the other way around.

Ahhhh. Whatever. Just trying to get some thoughts down to understand how I feel about this - her as a friend and as someone who has broken rules that I believed so at the core of everything she was. Maybe none of this matters.

We studied something in English, the gist of which was that we can only judge people by their actions, because that is the only thing we can see. This means that even if someone means one thing but acts another way, their acton is more important than their emotion/desires/goals that are behind this action.

And in a way I agree. Because whatever we say we feel or think, in the end our actions - what we've done, what we'll do - are what others define us by. So even if her intention is one thing, the fact that she's done this says something else completely. And that's all that matters, now. Eck.