Current advice advocates the use of skimpy clothing, copious amounts of alcohol and more than a little cleavage to work your way into the hearts (read: pants) of the men of today. Yet, this approach is flawed on many levels - the most fundamental being that it doesn't work. As a self-conscious 'curvy' (read: bigger than I'd like to be) lady, the skimpy clothing acts as a man repellent, as effective as wearing a sign that says 'Do Not Touch Me I Have Syphilis'.

Instead, I go for the more-is-more look, which accentuates the slimmer body parts (elbows, kness, ankles, toes, fingers). This approach generally tends to work; although some people wonder what is under the full length sheet I wear around my torso it's easy to pretend you can't hear them and make a quick exit.

Damn the world that wants women to have 20" waists and 25" hips! On my stringent requirements for a man I do not ask for:
1x 6 pack - diameter 20 cm, length 30 cm
2x biceps - circumference 20cm
etc etc. Although that's not a bad idea (weeds out the wheat from the chaff, and so on).

The irony is that, in a society that pushes a waif like figure, big bums are in. Now, anyone who has tried to diet soon realises the first things to go are a) the boobs and b) the butt. You end up looking like a deflated woman. So the crux of the problem is: how can I get a 20" waist and a nice, round ass?

Not really. The crux of the problem is: how can we teach people to be happy with what they have?

Ok fine, I'm lying. What I really want to know is: how does J.Lo get her ass to look like that?